May 7th sucks!

Today has been so stressful; I want to run away somewhere, get drunk, shout at someone or actually beat someone like clay. I think by now you’ve guessed I’m not happy then?
It’s my friend’s birthday today and the whole day I was trying to be in a good mood for her because what she said the other day really got to me and made me want to actually make today feel good for her. But instead all I get inside of me is anger and frustration; I physically wanted to beat someone. No one particular but the fact was I just wanted to take my anger out on someone.
It started because I had a head ache, peoples voices in class was ringing in my head and I wanted to scream to tell them all to shut up, and also it was because I actually wanted to learn in a lesson, shocker I know but I would like to have a good future. I seemed rather snappy I guess, I notice now a few snide comments I said that might of actually seemed quite hurtful.
After this my day just got worse, having a P.E lesson doing nothing does drag by, but I did actually start to feel myself again, then there was more notice and I was hot and tired and wanted to just lay in my nice warm bed. After that I just wanted to be on my own, none of my friends around just me. Mostly because I was scared I was going to shout at my friends and that I really didn’t want to do, so most of the time I would walk away fast.
I guess that was the nice part of my day, after this it got so much worse. I ended up screaming at one of my friends because he had hit me in the eye more then once, then resulting in a black eye; I mean its not a horrible black eye, its just bruised and swollen, but I can cover it with make up. I wanted to cry when he done that, it felt like I was going to explode not because it hurt, it was because I felt shitty and angry.

I guess today has just been a long day, but it doesn’t help when you come home and your parents want to make you scream, talking about how you have no money all the time, and what I spend it on. They say it’s pointless and stupid what I spend my money on. Then when they give me money they blackmail me into trying to get it.
I wasn’t happy about that to be honest. But after going for a walk I calmed down again, I didn’t feel like crying and I just wanted to go to bed.
Oh! But I can’t have that can I, No, my boyfriend comes round and he gets a text saying horrible things and threatening him, in my case that is discrimination and it pissed me right off, it just put me in the mood to fight and kick and scream.
Now I’m here. Really not happy, writing this, that you probably don’t give a fuck about. But the reason I done it was because I thought if I write about my day, it might make me feel better. And Oh my god! It’s worked. You should try it sometime.